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Insider scoops & secrets on South Padre Nightclubs for Spring Break 2012

Article about Insider scoops & secrets on South Padre Nightclubs for Spring Break 2012 – I am going to start this off by stating I’m not going to greatly organize the insider scoop on South Padre Nightclubs – and I’m also going to just throw out an “assumption” that most girls on spring break really don’t need an “inside track” like dudes might.

Try to….
1.) Arrive early
A huge mistake is pre-gaming too long at your condo and arriving at peak arrival time (say 1045 – 1115 is when the doors are slammed). Several reasons: 1.) You are likely to pay a ridiculously high cover and wait a ridiculously long time in a line you don’t want to (buzz kill in very least). 2.) you have no time to figure out where the prime spot to “people watch” is as well as what bars likely won’t be too slammed to give you a drink in a timely manner 3.) Things you need to do as you’re probably already tipsy when you arrive – go to the can, get a beer, text message, etc you can’t do if you’re getting there at 12 midnight, it’s packed, you can’t find anyone, you’re thirsty, etc.

It’s DUH but don’t….
2.) Drink too much
You can’t think you are going to be effectively hitting on anyone if you’re hammered. It’s inherently unattractive. Your breath will stink. You might be sweating. You might slur your speech. You could be vulgar (mind you nothing wrong with being aggressive but not gross), you might pick a plus size, you abandon your wings/friends or get abandoned. The list goes on & on. Another solid one is you might not have the stamina to go to an after bar where meeting your future spouse (for the week) is easier than a nightclub or bar

Think you’re not going to spend money and….
3.) Be Cheap
This covers alot of ground as well. You pick a bar based on a “cheap” or “no cover.” Ever get suckered into a radio station promoted club and the club is total gangster? We all have. Bars that suck or are dead have no cover or cheap cover. Inertia Tours clubs have sky high cover. Why? It’s packed = guaranteed. You can avoid that cover by buying a party package. Be cheap also means you decide to walk to the clubs instead of cab. This takes too long. You arrive too late (see 1.) Be cheap means you drink crappy liquor and beer and it makes you sick, hungover that much worse the next day, or looking like shit for the next night. Being cheap means you chat up a pretty or handsome fella/lady and really it’s your time to buy, but when it comes time you jet to the bathroom “pretending” you had to go so you don’t have to buy. Now, as there are 2500 people at the party, you can NEVER locate that hottie again. All to save $10? Come on. Don’t be cheap. Same goes on way home. You work a hottie the ENTIRE night, get em’ to agree to that moonlight stroll on the beach, but as cabs are $5, you’re too cheap to get one and walk her the mile back. By the time you get there, second thoughts, sober up, etc. You just screwed yourself.

Seems logical too….but dont…
4.) Go to the exact same club every night. In fact, you’re absolutely stupid if you do. Some places just don’t have good energy about them – and you could miss this cool XYZ party too. Think this would never happen? It does all the time. Usually by dudes thinking “they have been here before, THEY KNOW WHAT’S UP” yeah. Just because a place is packed doesn’t mean it will be fun for you, allow you to hook up more easily, or be the place you should be on that given night.

But if you do want to save some money….
5.) Arrive before 10 p.m. 9 times out of 10 the cover will be 50% (or less) cheaper than the cover at 11:15 p.m. when there’s a line down the block. Pay $10 to get in or pay $40 to get in? Come on….less is more. Plus, you ARRIVED EARLY like we told you to

6.) Ask what the drink special is to the door staff, and to the bartenders. Some door staff are baboons – some bartenders deaf. You need to know. A couple Inertia parties have a $2 drink special but you will NOT find out what that is if you don’t ask – in Texas they won’t advertise it.

7.) Know what the house specialty drink is. Typically, it will be three things: Larger, stronger, and cheaper. That’s hitting a TRIPLE my friend. The Trifecta! At Louies Backyard it’s the Charlies’ Cherry or the Whammy. At Mooncussers / Tequila Frogs it’s the Froggie, the Cusser, or the Diablo. At Padre Rock it’s the Rockstar.

8.) I have alot of “don’t do this or that’s.” If you fight a club on spring break on south padre, likely: You will be thrashed by security. You will be arrested. You will spend the night in jail. You will get a big ticket you must pay before you get out. All because you’re so so tough. Don’t fight. It’s a buzz kill

9.) Do pre-game. While I just said “don’t drink too much” that has nothing to do with arriving a tad tipsy. This will save you money if you just keep that buzz going and don’t get hammered at the club. It will save you money, AND pre-gaming is a great way to meet up with people. SUGGESTION: If you are a guy, pool your money with your friends. Go to the Liquor Store. Buy a bottle of Malibu. Buy real Bud Light. Buy a bottle of Absolut. Start the night off serving the girls next door “the good stuff” but shift to Taaca Vodka or some other gut rot shit later or for the after bar.

10.) Almost EVERY SINGLE club on south padre even on THE busiest night, will have some bar that’s totally dead. This has to do with the flow of the club – they stick bars everywhere but if there are 10 bars, 5 will be SLAMMED, 3 so-so, and 2 completely dead. It’s crazy. Knowing this because you arrived early and figured it out can make you and your friends look like you are “in the know” or “almost VIP” simply because you’re not dumbasses and kept your eyes open

11.) Bring out a cell phone. You might lose it. Texting all night in the bar or checking facebook is 100% loser. No one wants to approach the “text addict.” It’s creepy. I know, we all text/facebook, use our phones as cameras these days – but seriously. If you get bombed and lose it, do you think you will have wished you had followed my advice? The ONLY issue here is phone numbers..but it’s really not that hard. Have a pen on you. Use a napkin. Park that number in your pocket. And, if you’re bold…write it on her/his hand (bring a felt tip pen). If she (he) let’s you…well…someone is likely DTF

12.) Be a douchebag to ANY club staff. You think you’re “better” than them? Well, later you might see the door guy rotated to the least crowded bar you were a dick to earlier. Not so smart was it? While you might not really remember their faces, they surely will remember yours.

13.) As you arrived early….you know to – get the bartenders NAME at the bar that appears like it’s going to be the least busy. TIP HIM/HER WELL right off that bat. Tell them where you are from and that “Guys from Wisconsin know how to drink don’t forget me now TOM (bartenders name). 99% don’t bother to do this. When it’s slammed..well…guess who gets served first?

Speaking of drink service…DO NOT:

• Be the loudest yeller with the idea that you will get the fastest server
• Budge/cut off people. You could get bitch slapped thinking you’re too cool for the party
• Ask for “VIP.” They don’t have a VIP section in clubs on south padre really
• Ask for “bottle service” they don’t have that either. It’s too busy and therefore both impractical AND not as profitable.
• Order 1 drink at a time if it’s your round to buy. Tell the bartender ALL the drinks at once, or at least 3 at once. Some bartenders are dumbasses (granted) and you can’t do this
• Do NOT order complicated drinks. They will fuck them up as it’s so busy

Overall, a really smart idea is to buy a Red Carpet VIP Party Package from Inertia Tours. Inertia Tours is the largest provider of college spring break vacation packages to South Padre Island. All of our students add this package. This means they all go to one packed club each night. Tons of variety in terms of people.

The Red Carpet VIP Party Package has a simple guarantee for south padre spring break – if Inertia does NOT have the largest party any night of your package, we will gladly refund the party package. Not much of a guarantee as we bring the most people to south padre island.

Questions?

Email me: chad@inertiatours.com

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