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Spring Break Travel Tips & Advice from a dude selling them for 20 years

If you are reading this post you are probably considering staying in the US for spring break travel this year for various reasons. Maybe the financials on the homefront don’t allow you to ask for help paying for a trip that includes airfare so now you have to drive and pay for it yourself. Or, maybe you were thinking about Cancun for spring break but your parents said No Way, Jose! due to safety concerns.

I’m a list guy…so here you go:

Tips:

• Climate & how warm the weather will be (or how much snow if you want to ski/board)

• Distance to drive – is it 15 hours or 20 hours?

• Who’s vehicle are you taking? What sort of gas mileage does it get? Figure out how many gallons you will use and how much that will cost so you can diivy up expenses

• How many nights are you going? IF you are driving 16 hours one way to get somewhere, staying only 4 nights might be stupid. Consider 5 or more nights

• Who will go? Are they responsible enough to make deposits and pay for the trip, or will they flake out?

• Drama – who’s the Queen or King of it, and should they be invited? Who’s the drunk guy? Are you sure you want to babysit him that far from home? Are boyfriends and girlfriends trying to travel on spring break together? It’s a bad idea in my 20 years of experience even if no one is smooching a new person on the beach

• Hotels vs. Condos. Condos make a lot of sense in domestic destinations as you can’t do all inclusive so you need a place to store your booze.

• Payment options. Not to toot Inertia Tours’ horn but we let you put a deposit down, then pay off the trip 60 days before you leave making it more affordable. We also let people use their own credit cards for their own trips so no one ends up fronting the money and getting screwed

• Car farters. Make sure the power windows work in the back.

• Ground rule setting before you go. Don’t be a weiney and ask someone to drive their $30,000 SUV and then think you can smoke in it with the window down, leave trash inside, or drink in the car when they could get their ass thrown in jail over it. Don’t bring pot or coke or ecstasy down. If you get pulled over & searched that spring break is FUBAR. I’m not a moron, I know people do drugs and drink and drive. But…don’t put that on someone else. Y our own car is one thing, some else’s just isn’t.

• Pre-trip planning. As you will always have one mooch or cheap ass in your group, pre plan. Tell everyone to save some money everybody brings ONE case of Beer and ONE bottle (handle) of SOME liquor so in the very least you aren’t showing up with the Natty Light guy that won’t buy anything, sleeps with HIS beer under HIS pillow, won’t share, and steals everybody’s booze.

Yeah, THAT guy. Girls are no different – they can be cheaper than even guys.

Tips for Girls:

Please note – this is brutally honest & somewhat offensive – however – you will be a lot happier on your trip if you look this over:

• Go to the gym 60 days before the trip. Girls, at your age if you simply do the elliptical trainer and watch The Housewives of….and do it with some zeal for 2 months you will drop weight and tone up. For God’s sake don’t walk on it and read. You gotta get into it some to burn some calories. Girls showing up fat and doing string bikinis isn’t ok really. It’s like a fat dude in a speedo which is funny to guys, but no girl is hooking up with them.

Side note – IF YOU do the gym for 2 months, 4 times a week (even if strictly cardio) and 100% do not eat ANY fast food nor fried food you will look better. I’ll give you a spring
Break trip if you don’t and follow this.

What has changed is guys showing up sporting FULL 6 to 8 packs and girls looking larger than ever in the last 10 years. Used to be exactly the opposite.

• Tanning. Yes it gives you cancer 40 years from now, but 3 weeks of 3 times a week won’t kill you, and you won’t get burned as easy.

• Have or buy at least one quality pair of sunglasses. Going as large as possible on the lenses isn’t always the best idea. Get a hot guy’s opinion what looks good

• In my 20 years I always notice the trashy girls wear metallic shiny bikinis. Stay away from them. Get ONE plain black bikini as it won’t show stains or use as bad; Even if you sport a $300 bikini also get a $40 one at Target as a back up. You never know you could lose your top on spring break LMFAO but I’m serious here.

• Don’t be a cockblock. If you have a friend that wants to hook up, don’t judge just make sure she’s safe, you know where she is going, with whom, and have the dude’s cell phone number. Call him and watch it ring. That way you have more than one number/contact person. If you judge, then people sneak around and next thing you know, you DON’T KNOW where they are, you are panicking for no reason, etc. Is she too drunk to really be going with that guy? Then for sure stop her. Is it a guy you all sorta/kinda know? That’s a lot safer of course.

• Be friendly. The honest truth is 99% of guys are pretty shy. You don’t have to hit on them. Just make conversation and you’ll meet some new people and have fun. I see so many people not saying HI to people or just making general conversation and (like a bar) people are on spring break to meet other people. (yeah you are too)

• Dominate the bitches. You know you have one of them in your group. Dominate her from the start. Open fire the second she starts her complaining routine. This can make or break the rest of the weeks’ trip

• Stay hydrated & take ONE NIGHT OFF drinking. Your body needs it. I can always tell girls that have been down for a week – they look like death warmed over. Not sure why, but girls physically their body really can’t take alcohol like guys can, and it will show.

• Bring your own towel that’s unique. As the week goes on, towels become less and less available.

For the Dudes:

• Don’t be a moron. Playboy conducted anonymous “exit” polls of students leaving spring break destinations and found that roughly 40% of guys had did “something” sexual with a girl, and about 15% of girls “did” something as well.

Two things about this:

1.) Guys over shot & brag
2.) Girls undershoot and don’t

These two things bring this number to about 30% of people hook up in some fashion or another. A full 2/3rds don’t. HOWEVER – more than likely a few girls might have hooked up with more than one guy……LOL

By “don’t’ be a moron” I mean don’t come down thinking you are going to bang 10 girls and it’s open season. It’s really not. You will need game. If you don’t get laid at your campus you won’t get laid on spring break

• Don’t fall in love

I see this more with guys than with girls. You work this girl all week and “fall in love.” Come on. She has a boyfriend and live 8 hours from you. It’s not gonna work bro. Not now, not ever.

Plus, this is spring break. If you target ONE girl, you should have ONE backup you like just in case. That’s spring break 101.

• Don’t get too drunk

Yep. You have a girl that likes you , but suddenly you are flat out wasted. Yep, no hanky panky for you, no one wants to have some drunk dude drooling all over them or passing out in bed. Or worse yet, puking, shitting, or peeing the bed. Yep, they exist and YEP, not one year since 1993 has went by where I haven’t seen someone shit their pants because they were so drunk. Come on.

• Don’t be a mooch. Guys are really bad about this. Drink others beverages, eat their food, use their towels, etc. Don’t mooch off your friends. They don’t like it and you are a problem.

• Don’t start or be involved with fights. On spring break, it’s not like your little gentle campus bar. These bouncers WILL kick your ass in the name of keeping the peace. AND then they call the cops, so not only is your ass beat, you are now in jail in out of state. You are Fk’d. Don’t be a FK. If you have the angry drunk, just leave him at school. Don’t bring him. No one wants to be around that. It’s a buzz kill, girls don’t like it, and you can’t “win” a physical fight anyway – you might pummel a dude but then you end up in jail. You still lose.

• See adage above about the gym.

• Have girl take you shopping for clothes before the trip including board shorts. I’ve found guys rarely have good taste with board shorts.

For more information contact info@inertiatours.com for a nice spring break deal or call us 800 821 2176

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